I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
