we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
