false alarm. still invincible.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
