He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
honey bunches of taint.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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