it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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