ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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