I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
