Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
