Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
