soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
