I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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