so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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