Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
