im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
