I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
