Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize