im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His nipple licking is glorious
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