I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
