all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
