Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
