i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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