Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
