i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
