Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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