if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
