shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
