I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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