John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
