I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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