Sry I called you an 8
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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