fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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