I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
