have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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