Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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