You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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