you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
