I haven't been this sober since birth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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