Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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