ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
