My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
