I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize