Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
