its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
