you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
