A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
