He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
