We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
