I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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