so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
