Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
