Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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