so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
