u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
