worst night to have a conscience
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
