Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
