There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
