I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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