he thought i was a dude.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
