well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
