TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
