Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
