Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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