I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
