Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
