Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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