JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
