Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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