So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
